The Rage

If emotions can pass from mother to child during pregnancy then I am going to have one stressed out and angry baby.

Not the most patient, accepting of faults or joyous of people at the best of times at work, I now persist in a state of almost constant rage. Where previously people needed training or more communication, I now dismiss them as lacking in little grey cells. Always a perfectionist, spelling mistakes now throw me into an apoplectic fit. Why can’t they just get it right? Why can’t I leave them for two seconds without them somehow messing things up? Do they not realise I am gestating? (well for a long time they didn’t actually because they didn’t know).

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The Hulk © 2003 Universal Pictures

Apparently I can blame the hormones, that tricksy progesterone and oestrogen dynamic duo turning me progressively into the Hulk. Except it’s not so much mood swings as going from calm, reasonable Elly to incandescent Elly in less than sixty seconds.

And it’s not good for the alien. All my anger is going to make it be born early, be underweight and generally have a bad temper of its own.

The time has come to zen out. I have the yoga dvd and I need to do it, well, at least once and probably regularly! I need to let go at work: some things are more important.

Easier said than done, but these are the things I’m going to try:

  • take five when I feel angry rather than respond
  • go for a walk if really angry
  • try to understand what triggers the anger and work out ways I can proactively prevent those triggers from happening
  • write it down e.g. draft the response email but don’t send it – wait till later that day or the next morning and decide if I still want to send it
  • don’t accept that “for goodness sake, I might as well do it myself” – push back or provide guidance till it’s done (otherwise how will they learn?)
  • write down what I learnt trying to empathise – why did they get it wrong? How could we avoid letting others make the same mistake?
  • pregnancy yoga
  • get more sleep

We’ll see how it goes… Assuming I don’t storm out that is!

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