Being boring

As much as friends and colleagues seem to be coping with a general transition into pregnancy bore (my team endured a fascinating lecture on the foramen ovale this week), a few have commented that their patience may not last beyond the 9 months and that becoming a baby bore would be a step too far.

But there’s the rub – at the moment I can pepper my pregnancy talk with amusing anecdotes about work (for those who find You’ve Been Framed amusing) or commentary on exciting social events I have been to or general salacious gossip. But what am I going to be able to talk about when I am under house arrest spending my time feeding, changing and washing? What exciting (and especially non-baby) anecdotes will I be able to come up with then?

Awesome tune from The Pet Shop Boys (not so awesome video), although counter-intuitively it’s about them never being boring despite calling the song “Being Boring”, but what can you do?

So this is my plan for trying to avoid turning into Jessica Simpson over night:

  • Talk about them – everyone loves talking about themselves, hopefully by diverting attention to them they will not notice that I have no subjects of conversation at my disposal
  • Read the news while breastfeeding – baby in one hand, iPad in the other, I will peruse the world for fascinating stories that will provide jumping off points for discussion (I will have to keep a list as my memory isn’t too good and I don’t think “there was this thing on the BBC news site that said something that I can’t quite remember” will cut it)
  • Try to monitor my baby-focussed talk, keeping it to no more than two thirds of my chat (my friends have to be reasonable after all – my whole life will be baby-focussed, what do they expect me to talk about?)
  • Try and work out friends’ tolerances for baby talk and modify the percentage based on how likely they are to want to throttle me if cracked nipples are mentioned
  • Take up philosophy and wow them with philosophical debate (I am sure this will be very easy – particularly while sleep deprived).
  • Wittgenstein and backgammon, what more could my friends want?

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